Accountability----
I have really been thinking about this alot this week. I had suggested to Kirk that i was lacking motivation about the running of our household.
I asked him to help be break some bad habits and hold me accountable for any disharmony in our house. I have come up with a set of rules for myself, so he isnt the one telling me what to do here- i am.
i have gotten some great advice on how to handle it all, an decided a demerit system would work best with spankings if not followed through.
so i have been working on a chore chart and some consequences.
so it seemed to me to be all worked out but then i wonder if i should really be doing this, should i be working to be more of an equal partner to the man i am committed to? is all of this fair to my family. should i stand on my own two feet and tell him that i can and will self regulate my life? should we forget this whole accountability thing with rules and punishments and just have our spanking relationship as it started to be?
the thoughts i have are, can i do these things with out being reminded, checked up on and punished?
YES of course i can. I am a grown women, lived on my own for many years and survived without anyone helping me with them before. I am not a ditz woman or a freeloader. I am not a manipulator or entitled. I have paid my bills on time, managed a household (several if you include the fact i had to do it for my family since the age of about 6) and held myself accountable. I have been the personal secretary to my 2 sons for 16 years. raised my siblings and took care of my parents.sooo why do i want it now? good question.
maybe its because I AM TIRED!!!! ( not sleepy, just spent)i have been ultra responsible and ultra in dependant and strong.
maybe it is my MS and fibro that make me lose track of what i need to do, lord knows i cant remember a thing if it isnt written, i have notes to myself everywhere. maybe i feel safer knowing that it isnt all on me. maybe i am still in the pattern of being self destructive and clutter adds to my misery.
so i have been working on a chore chart and some consequences.
so it seemed to me to be all worked out but then i wonder if i should really be doing this, should i be working to be more of an equal partner to the man i am committed to? is all of this fair to my family. should i stand on my own two feet and tell him that i can and will self regulate my life? should we forget this whole accountability thing with rules and punishments and just have our spanking relationship as it started to be?
the thoughts i have are, can i do these things with out being reminded, checked up on and punished?
YES of course i can. I am a grown women, lived on my own for many years and survived without anyone helping me with them before. I am not a ditz woman or a freeloader. I am not a manipulator or entitled. I have paid my bills on time, managed a household (several if you include the fact i had to do it for my family since the age of about 6) and held myself accountable. I have been the personal secretary to my 2 sons for 16 years. raised my siblings and took care of my parents.sooo why do i want it now? good question.
maybe its because I AM TIRED!!!! ( not sleepy, just spent)i have been ultra responsible and ultra in dependant and strong.
maybe it is my MS and fibro that make me lose track of what i need to do, lord knows i cant remember a thing if it isnt written, i have notes to myself everywhere. maybe i feel safer knowing that it isnt all on me. maybe i am still in the pattern of being self destructive and clutter adds to my misery.
it isnt just house cleaning. for one I felt so loved when the rule came about for the seat belt wearing, i really mean it, it was incredible to be YELLED at because i didnt wear it. that someone loves me and worries about me being alive. then to be spanked because i forgot to wear it reinforced that i am lucky to be wanted. I think the worst spanking i ever received as an adult was for not taking my medications, for not taking care of myself. it was life altering.
i must say as a woman coming from an uncaring, self lead and unsupported childhood, this is the most loved i have ever felt. I guess the fact that the HOH cares so much about preserving harmony in the house, that he needs and wants us to be at peace is just as important.
I am great at getting myself into bad habits and terrible at breaking them. I guess accountability just speeds the process of self correction. i do want to be held accountable, it means that this man i have chosen to submit to wants the best for me.
these are ramblings and questions i must answer, i had hoped things would have become more clear as i wrote it all down. I still am not sure which way is right and which way is very selfish of me to ask him for.
I think i will go take a nap lol
these are ramblings and questions i must answer, i had hoped things would have become more clear as i wrote it all down. I still am not sure which way is right and which way is very selfish of me to ask him for.
I think i will go take a nap lol
2 comments:
Dawn, very reasonable questions, similar to those asked by every person entering into such a arrangement.
My wife, Mel asked the same sort of questions.
Her parents lived a D D marriage, they didn't call it that, but dad was H o H and mum was punished when they considered it necessary. Mum wasn't weaker than dad she brought up a large family, the love they had for each other was heart warming and lasted till the day they died, within three weeks of each other.
My Mel wanted such a marriage because she wished for a marriage as good as her parents. She was a spirited girl, we married when she was eighteen, dad gave me a tawse and a cane and told me to use them when necessary.
Mel was a hard wired spanko just as I am, she was a sub and I a natural Dom, we loved each other very much, when she needed it, she was punished, erotic spankings were our great pleasure.
She was one of the strongest woman I've ever known a Dr. and Consultant.
Being an active partner in a D D marriage shows you as strong, believe me, if you have MS and Fybromyalgia and are still active and functioning, you are strong.
Also can I say how much I like your banner, isn't she lovely, but she should be spanked for smoking. Chuckle.
Warm hugs,
Paul.
thanks for sharing that Paul, it helps to know this is a hard wired thing. i am sure my father would have loved to hand over his belt to Kirk. he didnt with my first husband cuz he knew he was a spineless man and didnt know what to do withit.
and i agree about the angle, very sassy. I dont smoke by the way lol
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