Wednesday, May 28, 2008
This is a post that I copied from one of the many groups that I'm on. I like it mostly because it's not saying that Master is always right even when he's not, and it's not saying that you should humor your dominant and stroke their ego when they're doing something stupid.
It just says that you should make an effort to be *respectful* about it, and that is really what makes all the difference.
What Price being Right?
This one is almost all for the other submissives out there. Doms read on, but mostly to get a clue to what is going on in the subbie mind.
Okay folks... these are the rules, right?... Number one, Master is always right. And rule two, if Master should ever be wrong refer to rule one. Sounds nice, right? I wish it were that easy.
Most of the submissives I know are very strong independent woman, with lots of knowledge and know how. They are very good at taking care of themselves, so in good in fact that they have the time and energy to take care of others, namely their Doms. They all have this desire and need to submit, and yet fall into the same trap I have fallen into a million times.
Because they are so smart and independent in their own right, when they are right they know it. In the "normal" world they are used to saying, hey that isn't right and telling someone how it is.Does that sound like a sub? No, it sure doesn't. And there is the problem. I have seen it at home and everywhere. Master and sub talking, Master says something that sub knows is wrong, can be the smallest fact or the largest one. It doesn't even matter. But then here comes the mistake, the sub will correct the Master, sometimes even being silly enough to do this in front of others.
Now I know that doesn't sound so bad, and it won't be, if the Master thinks he might in fact be wrong, but God help you if he doesn't.
What happens next... the argument starts... and it doesn't get any better for some time to come. For the Master it was a challenge to his power, a show of a lack of trust, it was taking back of power. And you know what... they don't like that. It makes them ticked off and it is humiliating should the sub do this in front of others.
For the sub there is the frustration of knowing they are right but feeling like they are being blown off because they are the sub. This always seems to be followed by the line "but I know I was right".
Neither person is happy and it hurts the relationship.
Here is my advice... shut up!! Okay so you are right, if he does this it will turn out badly, the house you are looking for is on this street. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know you right.
If you got asked your opinion by all means give it. A Master isn't worth a damn if he doesn't ask his subs opinion about things.
But if you are just correcting him, DON'T!!! If when you tell the Dom, you know I think it was so and so in that movie, and his reply is no, it wasn't, just let it go. Shut up! Yep it was that person in that movie. Yes the laws do say that.
He will find out sooner or later that you were right but if you don't fight about it, then he never has to take the "I told you so" from you. He can keep his ego and pride intact.
After all we have asked this person to be our leader, to take care of us. Now is the time to take care of them. Let them have their opinions on things, and no matter how wrong they might be, let it go, and let them find it out for themselves.
Then you don't have to be the bad guy and you don't have to pay for making that person feel foolish or humiliated.
So you might think I am asking you to be a doormat. Well not really, I am asking you to decide if you want to be right or if you want to be happy, cause when you get in an argument about stuff with your Master chances are you can't be both.
At least I don't know anyone who can. I made this suggestion to a couple of friends along the way... and they tried it out.
It was hard, hell it was hard for me when I first started doing it. But in the end it worked. Letting that Dom take the roads they chose left them feeling their own power, and it let the submissive support them.
If it didn't work then the Dom didn't feel the need to be angry with the sub just waiting for the I told you so, or seeing it in her eyes.
So subbies, let it go. If you are right that is nice... but it won't get you cuddled most of the time, so just know what you know and shut the hell up.
These are grown up people you are dealing with. They have a right to their opinion and their mistakes. No matter how much we love them we don't have the right to take those choices away from them.
You asked them to have all this power in your life, now let them have it. The more power they feel, the better the Master they can be.
One little note for the Dom's out there that might be reading this... okay so your ego got a bruise because your sub said you were wrong and worse yet she said this in public. Well it is your choice how to behave too. You can tell her how to handle it differently, you can take charge enough to tell her why you didn't like it. These would be better options than just being hurt and angry about what that sub did. Consider that this person does have a mind and an opinion, and being a sub doesn't mean that went away.
And yep there is even a chance that your sub is right and you are wrong. If you are smart you will take this with good humor.
And thank her for those times when she knew you were wrong but didn't embarrass you by telling you in a room full of people, but waited respectfully to tell you later when you were alone. Or for those times when the sub shut up and let you make the errors, and then had the respect for your feelings to not say, I told you so.
Kirk has been sick for a week and so have I, but in that time I was owed quite the spanking. I hadnt completed my chores all week and I totally lost it with chocolate on Friday, I mean I ate sooooo much I was sick.
I ate it because I knew I was wrong and that I needed the spanking to help me make up for hurting myself and the happiness of my home and Kirk didnt/couldnt spank me for it..... it was building up and i couldnt wait. so I went alittle nuts.
so I had all of this spanking coming and finally I had pushed it to far when he found out about the choc.
I was expecting something terrible ( which Kirk hates when I try and predict what will happen) and because we couldnt get rid of the kids we had to "go for a ride"
we have a little dark lot that we can feel kinda safe going to and I lay the seat of the car back all the way and bare my but for the hairbrush and his hand. its not the best situation but it is all we can really do with kids in the house.
soooo I got the hairbursh, not too bad, and although I felt spanked it wasnt nearly enough to rid myself of the guilt. he had planed on making me get out of the car and stand against it for the belt but someone drove by. he didnt feel "I was done" yet so when we got home we took a chance at being heard and Kirk spanked me with his belt in the garage. I got 10 medium swats and he felt better.
the problem was I did not. I felt like I deserved soooo much more and I was very sad,but then he told me I am not allowed to decide how much is enough, it is he who punishes me and he alone decides how much.
this is really hard for me and most likely a large part of submission. I gave the control over to him and I have to abide by his choice. and if he says let it go, you are forgiven I must do that. Mostly because I trust him and I love him.
so far I dont know how I am going to resolve to that but I will try hard.
- Keep the house uncluttered
- Have chores done by the time Kirk gets home.
- Go to bed together
- Stay in bed once there unless pain makes it to hard. No chatting online at night
- 8 hours of sleep per day
- No chocolate, unless approved
- Drink water- 2 bottles
- Take medications every day
- exercise every other day m-w-f
- make list for next day by bed time
- Do only what’s on the list -I have to learn to prioritize my list and stick to it. So I don’t over work and not be able to do anything the next day
- Hold kids to their responsibilities
- Track on sparks ( this is nutrition and diet website, its great really and has helped me with meal planning and fitness. and its free! http://www.sparkpeople.com/ )
- No lying ( 100 swats bare assed in our house)
- Wear seatbelt at all times
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
- Sub's Rights
- I have the right to set Limits, and expect them to be respected.
- I have the right to expect you to believe I am an Intelligent, Caring, and Loyal Person.
- I have the right to be Trusted, provided I have Earned it.
- I have the right to expect you to administer Your Punishment on me with Care and Caution.
- I have the right to ask for Your Attention, without having to misbehave to get it.
- I have the right to Question Your motives, should you deny my Requests, as long as I question with Proper Respect.
- I have the right to expect Tenderness, Love and Understanding at all times including the moments I am being punished.
- That Punishment does not mean Abuse.
- I have the right to ask you for that Tenderness if I’ve had a bad day, or I just feel the Need for closeness.
- I understand that there will be times when you and I will disagree about things.
- I have the right to expect you to understand my Reasons, when I Respectfully express to you what I need.
- I have the right to expect you to listen with an Open Mind and Heart.
- I have the right to Voice my opinion, and expect you to Honestly Listen to and consider my Reasoning.
- I expect you to have Final word, but I expect you to Whole-heartedly Consider my Feelings when making your decision.
- I have the right to expect you to understand that deep Trust often breeds Love. For it is your pleasure that adds to my own and my pleasure that adds to yours.
- I have the right to: Respect. No Husband may demean, abuse, harangue or hassle me in any way.
- I am submissive, but should be treated with dignity and respect at all times. Choose. No Husband may demand my service. It is a most precious gift and mine to bestow. Safety. No Husband should ever compromise my safety.
- I have the right to protect myself and to take whatever measures are necessary to do so. Put my Real Life First. No Husband may demand that I put aside my family, job, or other real life concerns for Him.
- Know what is Expected of me. No Husband should expect me to be a mind reader.
I will communicate with complete Honesty of my Needs, Desires, Limits, and Experiences to my Husband.
- I realize that Failing to do so will not only prevent my Husband and I from having the best experience possible, but it could also lead to physical and emotional harm.
- I will not try to manipulate my Husband.
- I will not push to make situations go the way I feel it should.
- I will keep an Open Mind about trying things that I am not accustomed to.
- I am willing to try and expand my limits. I will accept the Responsibility of Discovering what pleases my Husband, and will do my Best to fulfill His Wishes and Desires.
- I will not allow myself to be Harmed or Abused, for I know that "submissive" Does Not Equal "doormat".
- I will be Courteous and Helpful to all other submissives. I will never think myself a "better" submissive because I choose to submit on a different level than another.
- I will not be boastful of experiences I have had as a submissive.
- I will Share my Knowledge and Experiences with others in the hope that they will learn from where I have been.
- I will take the time to help those new to the scene so they may begin on the correct path of submissiveness.
- I will be Responsive to my Husband.
- I will not try to hide what my Mind and Body are feeling from my Husband. By telling Him I assist Him in His responsibilities as my Authority.
- I know that my Husband is not a telepath and I will not expect Him to know the thoughts or feelings in which I have not shared.
- I know that my actions Reflect upon my Husband, and I will do my best to help others to see Him in a positive way.
- I will Not intentionally Embarrass or Displease my Husband.
- I will Never causes other to think that being submissive means to be weak or sub-human.
- I will take pride in who and What I am, and will never show myself in a negative way.
- I will continue to grow as a submissive and as a human being.
- Above all, I will wear my title of submissiveness with Honor.
This affirmation should be recited quietly, but aloud either going to bed each night or the first thing each morning. Quiet time should be set aside to allow the words to sink in. Read them slowly and thoughtfully each time.
- Allow me the Inner Strength to express my true feelings and the trust to know He will understand and accept them as truth.
- Allow me the Wisdom to know His needs and the Serenity to serve Him, graciously.
- Allow me the Love to show Him whole-heartedly and the Tenderness to comfort Him selflessly.
- Allow me the Knowledge to know when not to speak what's on my mind and the Kindness to not say what's on the tip of my tongue.
- Allow me the Wisdom to be an asset to Him and the Peace of Mind in serving Him.
- Allow me the Understanding when His day has been bad, and the Patience when mine has been.
- Let my Eyes show Him the same Respect, whether I sit at His side, or kneel at His feet. Let my Daily Service to Him show Him how I Honestly feel about Him.
- Let me Learn to please Him, completely and fully.
- Grant me the Ability to give myself to Him, willingly and with my whole self.
- Grant me the Talent, to Please U/us both fully and the Light to show U/us the way.
- Permit me to Love myself more for Loving Him. For it is my Greatest Wish, my Highest Honor, to make His life complete, as He make mine.
again not sure who wrote this but i thank them with all my heart.
- Above all else I cherish my wife, in the knowledge that the gift my wife gives me is the greatest gift of all.
- I may be demanding and take full advantage of the power given to me, but know how to share the pleasure that comes from that precious gift.
- I am in control of myself first and foremost, so that I may control my wife.
- As a stern and demanding, I can cause my wife to cry real tears.
- As the consummate lover, I will then kiss the tears away, without stepping out of character.
- In times of trouble, I will leave the roles behind, to be a supportive friend and partner, never forgetting that this is still a loving relationship between two caring individuals.
- I am quick to understand the differences between fantasy and reality.
- I would never ask my wife to put me before their career, or family, just to satisfy my own pleasure.
- To win my wife’s mind, body, spirit, soul, and love, I know I must first win her trust.
- I will show my humor, kindness, and warmth.
- I must always show my wife that my guidance and tutoring is knowledgeable and deserving of her attention, that this is a person she can learn from, and that she can trust My direction.
- I am romantic enough to be protective and chivalrous. When called upon, I will fight for my wife’s honor.
- I prove to my wife that I am someone she can lean on, and depend on.
- When it comes time to teach my wife her lessons of obedience, I am a strong and unyielding professor.
- I will accept no flaw. Nothing less than perfection from my wife, the student.
- Never will I use discipline without a good reason. When I do punish my wife, it is always with a knowledgeable and careful hand.
- I am always open to communication and discussion; always ready to hear my wife’s wants and needs.
- I am patient; taking time to learn my wife’s limits, and knowing that as her trust of me grows, so will she.
- I know my wife responds to me out of the want of pleasing Me.
- Compliance comes from the wanting to please, not the fear of punishment.
- I understand the fragile nature of mind and body and never violate the trust given to Me.
- I am secure enough to laugh at myself and the absurdities of life.
- Open minded enough to learn new things. Strong enough to grow.
- My tools are mind, body, spirit, soul, and love.
- I understand that we gain most from pleasuring each other.
- And both of us know that love and trust are the only bindings that truly hold.
1. Trust: Your wife’s submission is a gift. It is your responsibility not to violate or abuse her trust in you. Whenever there are decisions you must make, you need to keep Both You and Your wife in mind, not just yourself.
2. Help: It is your responsibility to help your wife find what is already inside of her, and not try to create it for her. Before turning your attention toward your wife, you need to be the best Man You can possibly be. Bare in mind, this does not mean perfection, but it does not mean whimsical either.
3. Leadership: Your responsibility is not to take your leadership lightly and not to bail out of things get heavy. It is your responsibility to recognize that everyone is different, and your wife may not respond like your co-workers, friends, etc. You need to employ creativity rather than formula.
4. Communication: You know the key to bringing out the best in Your relationship lie in accumulating knowledge, communicating openly, and approaching the situation and Your spouse without hatred or animosity. It is your responsibility to guard your wife’s mental health-- to not guess or try to read “between the lines”, but to communicate openly with her.
5. Safety: It is your responsibility to make sure your wife is safe. You must be responsible for finding out what your wife’s true limits are, and staying within the boundaries those limit describe. You have a responsibility to discuss any punishments after its conclusion and to be open to any criticism that may come from your wife regarding the way things were handled.
6. Rules: It is your responsibility to involve your wife in the planning of her rules and their punishments, and to find out as much as possible about her desires and fantasies. To not be arrogant, but to actively seek help from your wife in discovering those areas in which you can improve. To not be misleading about yourself or your abilities.
7. Punishment: It is your responsibility to be stern. She may not like the punishment, but she will always respect you for it. You will continue your support and affection, especially while you are punishing her. You must never withhold your support and affection from her as a means of punishment. When you punish your wife, you must do so for the good of your wife, not just for the fulfillment of your own desires.
I am not sure who the auther is to these creeds but i am very thankful to have read them.