Well is sure have alot to learn. first of all I will tell you that one of the hardest rules for me and maybe all subs is the fact that we have no control over our punishments. I have this horrible habit of punishing myself to the point of numbness. I will eat until I am sick if I feel I deserve such a thing, I will go with out my meds to feel pain I feel I should ect.
Kirk has been sick for a week and so have I, but in that time I was owed quite the spanking. I hadnt completed my chores all week and I totally lost it with chocolate on Friday, I mean I ate sooooo much I was sick.
I ate it because I knew I was wrong and that I needed the spanking to help me make up for hurting myself and the happiness of my home and Kirk didnt/couldnt spank me for it..... it was building up and i couldnt wait. so I went alittle nuts.
so I had all of this spanking coming and finally I had pushed it to far when he found out about the choc.
I was expecting something terrible ( which Kirk hates when I try and predict what will happen) and because we couldnt get rid of the kids we had to "go for a ride"
we have a little dark lot that we can feel kinda safe going to and I lay the seat of the car back all the way and bare my but for the hairbrush and his hand. its not the best situation but it is all we can really do with kids in the house.
soooo I got the hairbursh, not too bad, and although I felt spanked it wasnt nearly enough to rid myself of the guilt. he had planed on making me get out of the car and stand against it for the belt but someone drove by. he didnt feel "I was done" yet so when we got home we took a chance at being heard and Kirk spanked me with his belt in the garage. I got 10 medium swats and he felt better.
the problem was I did not. I felt like I deserved soooo much more and I was very sad,but then he told me I am not allowed to decide how much is enough, it is he who punishes me and he alone decides how much.
this is really hard for me and most likely a large part of submission. I gave the control over to him and I have to abide by his choice. and if he says let it go, you are forgiven I must do that. Mostly because I trust him and I love him.
so far I dont know how I am going to resolve to that but I will try hard.
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2 comments:
Dawn, this is really a big problem for some submissives.
Love, trust, communication, your Dom should know what you need, and your punishments are his decisions.
After a lifetime in the lifestyle, the only thing that I really know is that communication is the answer to most problems no matter the lifestyle, that means that you both listen.
Warm hugs,
Paul.
hello,reading this i found out things about myself that i didnt realize,i do start fights with my husband,i find myself arguing with him over any and every thing at times,deep inside i know its just because i need or want to be spanked,i dont know why i do this but i know it gets me punished if i keep on and on at him like i do.i know im wrong when i do it,i guess i just feel too silly to just ask him for it, i guess i just dont know how eles to go about it.any suggestions? by a spanked wife
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